I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
