im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
