Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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