Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
