question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
