then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
