I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
