Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
