I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well you can't waste a boner
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
