I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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