did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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