so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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