Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
