Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
