nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
