the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
