Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
