My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
