I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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