rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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