I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
