Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
