so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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