before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
