i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
