Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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