i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
