so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
