I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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