Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
