I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
