Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
