i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
