is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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