so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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