Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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