I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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