i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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