i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
