Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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