i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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