tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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