Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
