Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
