Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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