I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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