Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
