Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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