I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
