he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
