I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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